10 Movie Sequels that are Better than the Original

1. Empire Strike Back

2. Superman II

3. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior

4. Terminator II

5. Aliens

6. The Godfather II

7. Toy Story 2

8. Die Hard 2

9. Rock III

10. X2: X-Men United

10 Memorial Day Possessions

1. Four free unused Riverfest Tickets

2. Headache

3. Banana Pudding Ice Cream

4. Tickets to Kung Fu Panda 2

5. A fresh package of Skip-bo cards

6. Thoughts of my Grandfather and Uncle

7. Anticipation of our annual family camping trip

8. A desire to win at extreme bocce ball

9. Three chickens who will soon be bigger than the tiny cage they are housed in

10. A father obsessed with photoshop

10 Wedding Observations

1 Embrace after the kiss meaning Brookelyn and Westley truly love one another

2 Little girls turning summersaults during the ceremony

3 Alcohol choices. Wine, Beer and Champagne

4 Children dancing better than your drunkest uncle

5 Pairs of yellow flip flops

6 Topping choices at the grits bar

7 Songs that I truly love played by DJ Marcus

8 :00 Curfew set by my mother-in-law

9 Tears held back watching one of my favorite friends marry a sweet man that she loves dearly.

10 Fans waving in unison to the beat of "I'm In Love With A Girl," as the bride processed down the aisle.

10 Results of Taking Your Child to Work

1. Tiredness from holding your own child while watching other children.

2. Her misinterpretation of Little Red Riding Hood. "What's it called? Little Right Neighborhood?"

3. Her reenactment of Little Red Riding Hood, over and over again.

4. Her saying, "I love my daddy the most."

5. A three hour nap as a result of going to a school with seven sets of stairs.

6. Crying because she misses her own school that has closed for the summer.

7. A child who stays up until eleven as a result of taking a three hour nap.

8. Staying up until 2 as a result of drinking coffee, to be able to make it through the day, with the added weight of bringing my child to work.

9. Comfort in knowing that I won't have to bring my child to work for the rest of the school year.

10. Discovering that it's not babysitting if it is your own child.

10 Pet Peeves

1. Dishes in the kitchen sink with food morsels attached

2. Wet bath mat

3. People picking up objects with their feet

4. People coming into the kitchen before I have finished cooking

5. People texting at the dinner table

6. When someone hangs up the phone without saying bye

7. When I am officiating a school kickball game, and kids yell "Foul!" when the ball is clearly fair

8. When people use one word commands instead of questions when they want something from me
 Ex:   "Hungry" "Outside" "Bubblegum"

9. Door to door sales boys showing me credential and asking for my account number

10. People without jobs or children complaining about being tired

10 Politicians Whose Parent's Must Hate Them

1. Tiny Kox

2. Dick Armey

3. Dick Ball

4. Young Boozer

5. Dick Swett

6. Kinky Freidman

7. John A. Boehner

8. Jay Walker

9. Butch Otter

10. Tripp Self

10 Midweek Quotes from Bella Rose

1. "Dad, someone called me gay today."  
"What does gay mean Bella?"
     "It means Nimrod."  
"What does Nimrod mean Bella?"
     "It means stupid. I can't teach you everything."

2. "Hey Bella, what do you think dad will say when he sees your new baby chickens?"
    "Probably, 'shit another pet'."

3. "Hey dad, I know you love mom, but why are you eating her face like a crab in your wedding picture?"

4. "Dad, can I have your crappy car someday?"

5. "No offense to you dad, but I really wish mom was off today."

6. "You ever notice that Dadoo and Thomas both talk with their hands?"

7. "I hate Justin Bieber."  
"I think he's cute Bella."  
    "Yeah but his music stinks, Dad. Yuck!"

8. We were watching baseball, and someone hit a home run. The announcer said, "That's a dinger."
Bella said, "A dinger ate my baby."

9. "He scared the shit out of that pigeon."

10. "Dad, Amelia hit me."  
"Are you dying?"
      "No. I'm gonna live, but goll!  Just thought you might help me out. Guess I was wrong."

10 Justins

1. Justin Timberlake

2. Justin Kirk

3. Justin Long

4. Justin Bieber

5. Justin Case

6. Justin Time

7. John Justin

8. Justin Sane

9. Justin Appropriate

10. Justin Boland

10 Tragic Wrestling Deaths

1. Randy Savage

2. Andre the Giant

3. British Bulldog

4. Miss Elizabeth

5. The Von Erich's, with the loss of brothers David, Mike, Kerry, and Chris.

6. Magnum T.A.

7. Bruiser Brody

8. Chris Benoit

9. Owen Heart

10. Eddie Guerrero

10 Most Common Answers from 90's Trivial Pursuit

1. John Daly

2. Bob Dole

3. Netscape

4. Michael Jackson

5. Elizabeth Taylor

6. Johnny Depp

7. Tim Burton

8. Mikhail Gorbachev

9. Dances with Wolves

10. Bill Clinton

10 People I Would Like to Thank

1. Larry for putting the cardboard sleeve on my coffee cup.

2. Kroger for trying a little harder to make your store make sense. I didn't see what you were doing there at first.

3. Mason and Joyce for watching my children, while Abby and I went on a date.

4. Kevin because you pick Bella up from school everyday.

5. Katie Mcgowan for the sweet Gunknife.

6. My mother for sharing the last of your Veggie Quesadillas.

7. Dirk Nowitzki for being the best shooting big man in NBA history.

8. Matt Floyd for having great stage presence.

9. Slaughter for only slapping my fresh tattoo one time. You showed outstanding restraint my friend.

10. Bella for having outstanding comedic timing.

10 Zingers from Amelia May

1. "Dad Amelia just ripped my bumblebee sticker."      "Well go to the garden and calm down."
 Then Amelia said, "I'm gonna pee in your garden Bella."

2. "Dad, your like bigger, but your still a girl."

3. "If you ask her real nicely, I bet she'll share with you."    "Amelia may I please have it back?"
            "Nope. Sorry girl."

4. "Dad. I hate this song. It sounds yucky. It's terrible."

5. "You don't have big boobies. You're not like a princess."

6. "You don't even have a crown. You're a bad prince."

7. "Calm down girl."

8. "I don't want plain donuts. I want a pink donut with sparkles."

9. "I love you daddy. You're not so taller."

10. "Give me a kiss Amelia. I have to go to work."     "How about a spanking daddy."

10 Best Tom Hanks Films

1. A League of Their Own

2. Cast Away

3. The Burbs

4. Big

5. Splash

6. Philadelphia

7. Green Mile

8. Forest Gump

9. Toy Story

10. Saving Private Ryan

10 Reasons Why I Love Drexel Dennis Bkaer III aka Trey.

1. When he was younger he prank called a coach from his school. The coaches wife answered instead. Then, Trey said some really inappropriate things. After being caught the coach interrogated our friend Trey.       "Why did you do that to me? I wouldn't call your house and do that to you. So why'd you do it?"                  "Cause I'm nine."

2. The first day I met Trey he was setting up to play a show with Go Fast. He needed someone to go to party city with him. I decided to make the short car ride with him. About five minutes into the car ride he put his hand on my inner thigh, and said, "I'm just fucking with you Mudcat. Wouldn't it be funny if I was serious."

3. Whenever we'd go anywhere, he would have to go back to see if he turned off appliances, and locked the doors.

4. He won't wear shorts because of his skinny legs.

5. He is without a doubt going to be one of the best fathers in history.

6. He used to have a dog that he took everywhere. "Sorry buddy. You're gonna have to get in the backseat. You know he doesn't like any body sitting in the front seat."  Then the dog would climb into the backseat and snuggle up with me.

7. He asks tons of questions. I mean tons of questions.

8. When I stayed on his floor, at night he would say, "Alright buddy, we're gonna watch this movie, and then we're gonna right the best song you ever wrote."

9. He used to go to Barnes and Noble and spend hours looking at magazines. Then he would look at the books.     "You ain't getting bored are you? Sorry. Magazines are like appetizers."

10. He knows how many steps it takes to walk from RAO Video to Vinos.

10 Bad Inventions

1. Battery powered battery charger

2. Hydrogen Blimp

3. Betamax

4. Bumpit

5. Dog Snuggies

6. Asbestos

7. Head On (Roll on headache relief)

8. Inflatable Dartboard

9. Phone fingers

10. Segway

10 Signs That It's a Monday

1. I'm grouchy beyond belief

2. My wife is sick, and I'm still wondering how I'm going to get these kids to school. Also, I still have to somehow get to work on time.

3. The coffee maker leaked all over the kitchen.

4. I spilled our chickens' dirty water all over my foot.

5. I'm wondering, "Why in the world do we have chickens?"

6. I'm pissed off at the weather man, because he just said, "A morning jacket or sweater will be needed."

7. This cat keeps meowing at me, even though she was standing right there when I filled up her food dish.

8. I just banged on the window and said, "Shut up dog! I'm hungry too. You don't hear me barking!"

9. I'm mad at the clock for moving so quickly.

10. I accidentally put ear drops in my eye. Ahhhh!

10 Goodbyes/Hellos

1. Goodbye Kroger                        Hello Food Giant

2. Goodbye Friday                         Hello Family

3. Goodbye Pessimism                   Hello Optimism

4. Goodbye Car                              Hello Bicycle

5. Goodbye Debt                            Hello Money

6. Goodbye Birthday                      Hello Hangover

7. Goodbye School                         Hello Summer

8. Goodbye Children                      Hello Craig O'neill

9. Goodbye Abby                           Hello Dadurday

10. Goodbye Yo Gabba Gabba      Hello Kitty

10 Things That Make You Say Woo

1. Woo Pig Sooie

2. (Wu) Tang Clan

3. Woomp! There it is!

4. Wookie

5. Michael Mcdonald

6. Ric Flair

7. John Woo

8. Blur

9. Il Libretina

10. Little Richard

10 Brians

1. Brian Boitano

2. Brian Rodgers

3. Brian Lovell

4. Brian Youngblood

5. Brian Bush

6. Brian Hirrel

7. Brian Setzer

8. Brian Eno

9. Brian Adams

10. Brian Garlington

10 Booty Songs

1. "Rump Shaker"  Wrex N Effect

2. "Big Ole Butt"  LL Cool J

3. "Da Butt"  E.U.

4. "Baby Got Back"  Sir Mix-A-Lot

5. "Shake Your Booty"  K.C. and the Sunshine Band

6. "Big Bottom"  Spinal Tap

7. "Fat Bottom Girls"  Queen

8. "Back That Ass Up"  Juvenile

9. "Ms. Fat Booty"  Mos Def

10. "Face Down, Ass Up"  2 Live Crew

10 of My Favorite Marvel/DC Comic Book Characters

1. Thor

2. Green Lantern

3. Wolverine

4. Daredevil

5. Cyclops

6. Captain America

7. Iceman

8. Aquaman

9. Tomahawk

10. Mr. Fantastic

10 All Girl Groups

1. Go-Go's

2. Bangles

3. The Indigo Girls

4. The Runaways

5. The Supremes

6. TLC

7. Salt n Pepa

8. The Donnas

9. Bananarama

10. Sleater-Kinney

10 Mothers That I Love

1. Joyce Kerby

2. Abigail Kerby

3. Joan Brimer

4. Susie Camarillo

5. Jane Hankins because she gave birth to my lovely bride.

6. Mary Jo Marsh

7. Francis Brimer

8. Frankie Tardiff

9. Lauren Schiller

10. Kelley Donovan because I really like your baby.

10 Reasons Why I Love My Mom

1. She's always encouraged me to be my self.

2. She let me make my own mistakes. However, she was always there to pick me up whenever I fell flat on my face.

3. She has never judged me.

4. She is 4ft. 11in. tall, but tough as nails.

5. She says, "Arkadelthia" and "Philadelthia.

6. She truly loves her family.

7. She was a Farmersville High Farmerette.

8. She is an incredible hugger.

9. She taught me how to put someone in a figure four leg lock.

10. She makes the best grilled cheese sandwiches.

10 Things Destroyed During Cinco De Mayo

1 Beard

2 Beers

3 Miles

4 Liters of water

5 Tortillas

6 Cookies

7 Layer bean dip

8 Cookies

9 Nachos

10 Fresh Jalapenos

10 "Mo/Moes"

1. Mo Money

2. Moe Howard

3. Mo-ped

4. Elmo

5. Mofo

6. Slo-Mo

7. Mo Rocca

8. Mo Willems

9. Moe Szyslak

10. Molecular Operating Environment

10 Life Changing Pieces of Advice I Received from My Father

1. "Don't tell your mother this, but after Kevin we just sort of gave up. You can do whatever you want."

2. "Never go to Home Depot, unless you know exactly what you are looking for. Otherwise you're going to need a sack lunch and some comfortable shoes, because it's going to take a while to find someone that can help you."

3. "Don't cheer for the Mavericks. They'll break your heart."

4. "Never argue with your sister."

5. "If you shop at Payless, you can buy ten pairs of shoes for a third of the price that most people spend on one fancy pair."

6. "You might as well go for it. No matter what you do time still passes."

7. "Snow peas with eggs are bad."

8. "Don't ask your mother about the bag of pecans."

9. "If you ever get married, buy a bunch of land, and have a son that moves out, when he asks you if he can leave his dog say no."

10. "If you ever have the choice of buying a fully restored classic car for the same price as a brand new car, don't be stupid. Buy the new car, because it's new."

10 Things That Used To Make Me Nervous

1. Rest Stops

2. Banks

3. Church

4. Electrical Outlets

5. Tornadoes

6. Babies

7. Old Folks

8. Telephones

9. Company

10. Long lines

10 Things That are "True"

1. True Grit

2. True Love

3. True Blood

4. True Story

5. True Friend

6. True Lies

7. True Potatoes

8. True Romance

9. True Confessions

10. True Justice

Otis 10 Times

1. Otis Redding

2. Otis Spunkmeyer

3. Otis Elevator

4. OTIS- Offender Tracking Information System

5. Otis Campbell- drunk from Andy Griffith

6. Otis College of Art and Design

7. Otis National Guard Base

8. Otis the Cow- character from Nickelodeon

9. Otis the Aardvark- puppet

10. Otisstrabe- Underground metro station in Berlin