10 Royal Wedding Comparisons

1. William and Kate got married in West Minster Abbey. I got married to Abby.

2. William whispered, "You look beautiful."   I said, "Damn girl!"

3. They had the whole world watching. We chose a small intimate gathering.

4. They had the royal family. We had Craig O'Neill.

5. I wore a traditional tuxedo. He didn't even wear a tie.

6. Oprah had a Royal Wedding feature. The Arkansas Democrat wrote, "The groom is a waiter."

7. They had their reception at Buckingham Palace. We chose a classy reception, with seven bands at the Clear Channel Metroplex.

8. There was no beer at the Royal reception. We had seven kegs, margarita machines, and jello shots.

9. They had Paparazzi everywhere. We had Soiree.

10. They enlisted the help of a composer for their wedding day music. We had a boom box controlled by  Ben Dickey.

10 Self Diagnosed Disorders

1. OCD-  I click my teeth in patterns of eight.

2. Insomnia- I have to force my self to fall asleep at night. If I am awoken for any reason I can't go back to sleep.

3. Old Man Hands- Hereditary wrinkly hands. It looks like I have been working with my hands my entire life. I assure you, this is not the case.

4. Driving Induced Tourette Syndrome- I break into cursing fits of rage while behind the wheel.

5. Noassatall- I get this from my daddy. No ass at all.

6. Wheat Allergies- Every time I drink a lot of beer, I feel horrible the next day. I must be allergic to the wheat.

7. Garliquetivitis-  No matter what I wash with I still wind up smelling like garlic at the end of each day.

8. ESP- I see things two or three steps ahead sometimes. I can't win the f**ing lottery though.

9. Social Disorder- I sometimes feel awkward or I have social impairment when in public situations.

10. ADHD- I never stop moving. I am always fidgeting.

10 Famous/Slightly Famous People with the Name Landon

1. Michael Landon

2. Landon Donavon

3. Landon Cohen

4. Landon Gardner

5. Landon Hilliard

6. Landon Johnson

7. Landon Parvin

8. Landon Trusty

9. Landon Wilson

10. Alf Landon

10 Arkansas Town Names I now Know Due to the Recent Severe Weather Outbreaks

1. Blue Ball

2. Gooberville

3. Mccauley

4. Horatio

5. Duckett Ford

6. Letonia

7. Possum Grape

8. Dogwood

9. Happy

10. Hickeytown

10 Memorable Cereal Slogans

1. "Snap, Crackle, Pop."

2. "There Grrreat!"

3. "Hey Mikey. He likes it."

4. "Silly rabbit. Tricks are for kids."

5. "Kid tested. Mother approved."

6. "Better Eat Your Wheaties."

7. "They're magically delicious."

8. "Just follow my nose!"

9. "I pity the fool who don't eat my cereal!"

10. "A is for Apple, J is for Jacks!"

10 Overrated Female Country Singers

1. Reba Mcentire

2. Naomi Judd

3. Shania Twain

4. Lee Ann Womack

5. Wynonna Judd

6. Deanna Carter

7. Gretchen Wilson

8. Mindy Mcready

9. Leann Rimes

10. Dixie Chicks

10 Things That Rise On Easter

1. Sun

2. Lord

3. Sister Schubert's Cinnamon Rolls

4. Calorie Intake

5. Butts in Church Pews

6. Knee Socks

7. Children before the Sun

8. High Heels

9. Egg Sales

10. Kevin's temper