1. "Dad, someone called me gay today."
"What does gay mean Bella?"
"It means Nimrod."
"What does Nimrod mean Bella?"
"It means stupid. I can't teach you everything."
2. "Hey Bella, what do you think dad will say when he sees your new baby chickens?"
"Probably, 'shit another pet'."
3. "Hey dad, I know you love mom, but why are you eating her face like a crab in your wedding picture?"
4. "Dad, can I have your crappy car someday?"
5. "No offense to you dad, but I really wish mom was off today."
6. "You ever notice that Dadoo and Thomas both talk with their hands?"
7. "I hate Justin Bieber."
"I think he's cute Bella."
"Yeah but his music stinks, Dad. Yuck!"
8. We were watching baseball, and someone hit a home run. The announcer said, "That's a dinger."
Bella said, "A dinger ate my baby."
9. "He scared the shit out of that pigeon."
10. "Dad, Amelia hit me."
"Are you dying?"
"No. I'm gonna live, but goll! Just thought you might help me out. Guess I was wrong."
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