1. It is okay to leave your children sleeping in the car, if it is your birthday, and you want to stop by the bar to celebrate with a quick drink. Make sure you lock the doors.
2. If you have just laid your newborn down for a nap, feel free to run over to Walgreens and grab a six or twelve pack of beer. Depending on the length of the nap, you may need more beer.
3. Make sure to roll the windows down if you smoke in the car. You don't want your children to suffer.
4. If you are having trouble getting your child to go to sleep, read a book on how to get your child to sleep. If that doesn't work, just hit your child over the head with the book. That will put him right to sleep.
5. Another remedy for a sleepless child is Benadryl.
6. If you have a baby that won't stop crying, just put a shot of vodka in their bottle and they'll cheer right up.
7. Television is the ultimate babysitter.
8. If you have a defiant toddler, just make him watch Saw IV. Then the next time he starts to act up, tell him, "The scary man from the movie is going to come get you if you don't start acting right."
9. If they tell you, "You're not my daddy!", tell them, "Yes I am. If I had my choice, I would not have picked you."
10. If you really can't handle the responsibility of being a parent, just sell your child on Ebaby.
No comments:
Post a Comment