10 Outstanding moments with Christian Schwartz at Family Video

1. "What did you think about Doctor T. and the Women?"
         "They should of called it Doctor T. and the Shitty Movie."

2. "What do you think about Leonardo Dicaprio's new movie?"
           "You mean, Leonardo Dicraprio?"

3. "Can I help you?"      "No. I'm just looking around."
     "Good. I didn't want to help you anyhow."

4. "Thank you for calling Family Entertainment Super Store, where you can rent Cast Away, winner of four Academy Awards. This is Christian. How can I help you?"

5. "I figured out a new diet."     "Well what is it?"
    "Don't eat before you go to bed, and when you get hungry, drink beer."

6. "New rule. If Jeff Matika walks through the door, you have to crank Ashtray Babyhead as loud as it will go."     "I don't think he would like that very much."      
    "Well duh. Why the fuck else would I make it a new rule."

7. "Would you like candy, coke, or popcorn."       "Uh, no thanks."
    "Your right. You don't need it."

8. "Why is there a left over garden salad, and bottle rockets in the movie drop box?"

9. "You and your brother bring up an interesting point. I'm not sure if Kindergarten Cop, or Turner and Hooch is a better movie. Wait a minute, it's only hard to tell which one is better, because they both suck ass."

10. "Hey. Hey! Turn it up. Here comes Matika and Cook. Kill two birds with one song."