Wednesday, September 7, 2011

10 Things That No One Likes

1. Tattle Tells

2. Traffic

3. Rejection

4. The DMV

5. Debt

6. Ridicule

7. 114* Weather

8. In Service

9. A Know It All

10. Rats

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

10 "Flashes"

1. Flash Gordon

2. Flash Photography

3. Lightning Flash

4. Flash Light

5. Flasher

6. Flash Mob

7. Flash Dance

8. News Flash

9. Flash Back

10. Grandmaster Flash

Monday, September 5, 2011

10 Pieces of Gold From Bill Margrave

1. "I was watching that million dollar Price is Right last night, and this girl won a jeep and a escalade."

2. "I know my Jesus!"

3. "How bout them Cowboys."

4. Luke: "Hey Bill. Thanks for coming to the show."    Bill : "I wish Josh was playing tonight."

5. "It looks like Murdoch went walking through a ranch minefield."

6. "No where else but Little Rock."

7. "Murdoch made Bella cry? He made me cry the first time we met too."

8. "It's funny how they grow when you feed them."

9. "You're the only one I didn't think was guilty, but the only one who could've done it." This is what Bill said to me after I told him that I was the one who opened his chips, ate one, and then put the bag back as if nothing happened.

10. "Woo pig!"

Saturday, September 3, 2011

If You Agree With This Post Please Rethink Your Parental Priorities (or don't have children)

1. It is okay to leave your children sleeping in the car, if it is your birthday, and you want to stop by the bar to celebrate with a quick drink. Make sure you lock the doors.

2. If you have just laid your newborn down for a nap, feel free to run over to Walgreens and grab a six or twelve pack of beer. Depending on the length of the nap, you may need more beer.

3. Make sure to roll the windows down if you smoke in the car. You don't want your children to suffer.

4. If you are having trouble getting your child to go to sleep, read a book on how to get your child to sleep. If that doesn't work, just hit your child over the head with the book. That will put him right to sleep.

5. Another remedy for a sleepless child is Benadryl.

6. If you have a baby that won't stop crying, just put a shot of vodka in their bottle and they'll cheer right up.

7. Television is the ultimate babysitter.

8. If you have a defiant toddler, just make him watch Saw IV. Then the next time he starts to act up, tell him, "The scary man from the movie is going to come get you if you don't start acting right."

9. If they tell you, "You're not my daddy!", tell them, "Yes I am. If I had my choice, I would not have picked you."

10. If you really can't handle the responsibility of being a parent, just sell your child on Ebaby.


Friday, September 2, 2011

10 Reasons I Wish I Was Celebrating With Henry Murphy

1. His Laugh

2. His Witty Banter

3. That guy knows how to party.

4. He has duffel bags full of books. Don't you dare try to take his Shakespeare.

5. He has an incredible knowledge of hip-hop.

6. He certainly knows how to mix a drink.

7. He talks shit in a most intelligent manner.

8. His stories get better as he gets intoxicated.

9. I like his style.

10. He is 100% genuine. Happy Birthday Henry.


My 10 Favorite Lottery Numbers

1. 34

2. 33

3. 04

4. 10

5. 44

6. 15

7. 27

8. 21

9. 41

10. 7


Thursday, September 1, 2011

10 Celebrity Crushes

1. Claire Danes

2. Scarlett Johansson

3. Drew Barrymore

4. Halle Berry

5. Ko Shibasaki

7. Zihi Zhang

8. Sofia Vergara

9. Aishwarya Rai

10. Audrey Tatou