10 Reds

1. Redd Foxx

2. Red Skelton

3. Red Baron

4. Red Robin

5. Red Riding Hood

6. The Reds

7. Red Auerbach

8. Redman

9. Red River

10. Red Dawn

10 Wrestling Names I'm Giving To Folks I Know

1. Mikey Hayes-  Mikey "P.S." Hayes

2. Matt Floyd-  Matt "Pretty Boy" Floyd

3. Brian Youngblood-  Slaughterhouse

4. Andy Warr-  Andy "The Ultimate Warr-ior"

5. Dan Johnson-  "Thunder Dan Under"  (5and 6 are a tag team duo)

6. Matt White-  "White Lightning"

7. Leslie Vaughn-  Leslie Vaughn Erich

8. Dave Hoffpauir-  Dave "Rock n Roll Zoomhoff Power"

9. Jeremy Brasher-  Jeremy "The Brawler" Brasher

10. Henson Flye-  Henson "Super Flye Snuka"

10 Businesses Where Customer Service Is Not A Priority

1. Blockbuster    I'd never prayed for an establishment to shut down until I entered the Blockbuster Video Cantrell location. Anyone driven past there lately? They shut it down. Amen.

2. Cotham's   I know they supposedly have the best hamburger in the nation. However, I have no idea how their burgers taste because I was ignored for at least 30 minutes the two times I went  inside.

3. Paxton's Pizza    It is a pretty new establishment, and they usually only have one employee working at a time, but it should not take 35 minutes to make a salad and sandwich combo.

4. Purple Cow    My kids love this place. One Saturday my kids and I went for a quick lunch at the Cantrell location. I wound up eating a sharp piece of glass hiding in the bottom of my salad. The manager came out to offer his expertise.  "Maybe it was a piece of plastic or something." Then he offered me a free milkshake without an apology. We have been back, and have not had any more incidents. Surprising as it seems that guy no longer works there. Oh yeah. He did mention he had children as well. Poor little bastards.

5. Cheeburger Cheeburger   Boooooooo!

6. Juanita's    Pay your bands!

7. Cantina Laredo    Typical chain restaurant.  Moves in to a small town, serves you a quality first meal, and goes striaght downhill from there.

8. Riverdale Movies 10    I will always go to this Theater because it is close and cheap. If they could just get the film calibrated on the screen correctly that would be outstanding.

9. William and Sonoma    I went in there to find a couple of items I couldn't find anywhere else. As I walked in I heard, "Well I'm sorry ma'am. There are only two of us working today. We tried our best."    "Well you need to try harder. I won't be back."  After making three laps around the entire store, I finally found what I needed. I quickly made my way to the counter. There I found one employee gift wrapping a mixer for a customer. The other employee walked out from behind the counter, and left me standing there holding a sleeping child in one arm and my overpriced items in the other. She then helped a customer decide which knives to buy. Well she didn't actually help him. She made excuses about why she didn't know which knives were the best, but she could look it up on the internet. He said, "Well why don't you help that young man first?"  She then walked behind the counter, looked up at me, and went straight to the computer and printed some information for the knife guy. He said, "Go ahead and help him, and then you can help me."   Then, with out looking up, she said, "I can help the next person in line."  She scanned the items and asked for my email address. I said, "You're not getting my email address."   "I have to have it for your purchase."  "Well then your not getting my purchase."  The other employee who was still trying to wrap the mixer after 23 minutes came over and bypassed the email request.  "You have a great day and come back and see us."   "That shit ain't gonna happen. You guys need to get your system straight."

10. Rock Fish Grill        

10 Name Changes To Convert These Bands Into Christian Rockers

1. Go Fast - Go Forth

2. Night Ranger - Night Manger

3. Guns 'n' Roses - Nuns 'n' Moses

4. INXS - INRI

5. Genesis - Genesis

6. J5 - JC5

7. Village People - Village People

8. Heart - Pure Heart

9.The Hollies- The Holy

10. Spirit - Holy Spirit

10 Things I Learned From Gwyneth Paltrow While Watching Country Strong

1. Never wear an all satin outfit on stage because it wrinkles, and it shows where you are sweating.

2. Love is the only thing that truly matters.

3. Never take laxatives because they always seem to work at the wrong times.

4. Never drink carbonated beverages on  show days because it causes swelling.

5. You shouldn't mix pills with alcohol.

6.  Beware of gifts from fans.

7. Limit your alcohol consumption when you're expecting.

8. Don't take someone out of rehab before the rehab.

9. Movies about country music are depressing.

10. If you have a lot of problems you need a lot of pills.

10 Things Most Elderly People Always Seem To Have

1. Time

2. Peppermints

3. Change

4. Windbreakers

5. Large Cars

6. Coupons

7. Gout

8. Time Shares

9. Scarves

10. Laxatives

10 Old War Injuries

1. Two crooked toes because my mother made me wear shoes that were to small. Why didn't I say something?

2. A scar on my upper thigh from a Fourth of July accident.

3. A scar on the corner of my mouth from the slot car incident.

4. Pencil lead in my thumb from an accident in second grade.

5. A gnarly scar on the back of my hand from carrying glass bottles for my aunt.

6. A small scar on my right leg from inadvertently stabbing myself in the leg with a pocket knife I found at the grocery store.

7. Two scars on my right arm from a Brown Recluse spider.

8. A chipped tooth from being tackled by Damien Thompson at the WWT.

9. A small round scar on my nose from being shot by a paper clip.

10. A second chipped tooth compliments of Slaughter.

10 Sports Bloopers From the Past

1. Jose Canseco sent a baseball over the wall with his head, while attempting to make a catch.

2. Bill Buckner had a routine ground ball go between his legs which led to the Mets becoming 1986 World Champs.

3. A fan in Chicago interfered with his teams player trying to catch a foul ball. This led to a huge inning for the other team, and eventually the Cubs lost the series. It's not his fault the Cubs suck.

4. Robin Ventura charged the mound against an aging Nolan Ryan, and received an epic beat down.

5. Randy Johnson once threw a 99 mph fastball that struck an innocent bird that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think the bird actually survived.

6. Mike Tyson bit off a piece of  Evander  Holyfield's ear after realizing he was over matched.

7. A pitcher for the Giants broke his arm while throwing a pitch. I think it happened to him twice.

8. Plaxico Buress shot himself in the leg at a night club, and went to prison for the incident.

9. I believe a man named Jimmy the Greek made some on air racial remarks during an NFL broadcast.

10. Lawrence Taylor snapped Joe Theisman's leg like a twig. They kept showing the replay over and over.

10 Things I Remember About Pitfall

1. No matter how far you got in the game, if you were killed you had to start over from the very beginning.

2. The character was a stick figure named Pitfall Harry.

3. You had twenty minutes to complete the game.

4. There were 32 treasures you had to collect.

5. The treasures included gold, silver, and bags of money.

6. You only have three lives.

7. You must avoid tar pits, crocodiles, scorpions, quicksand, water holes, and rattlesnakes.

8. The game had very distinct sound effects.

9. You must make way through a maze of road blocks, ladders and tunnels.

10. The original television commercial for Pitfall featured a 13 year old Jack Black.

My Friend Schafer Has Some Wonderful Qualities. His Musical Taste is Not One Of Them. Here Are 10 Bands I Bet He's Into

1. My Chemical Romance

2. Blink 182

3. Sum 41

4. Against Me

5. Eve 6

6. Bush

7. No Doubt

8. Sublime

9. All American Rejects

10. Fastball

10 Things That Live in the Ditch Behind Pizza Cafe

1. Lager Head Turtles

2. Catfish

3. Snakes

4. Minnows

5. Beavers

6. Amoeba

7. Algae

8. Moss

9. Tadpoles

10. Frogs

10 Deaths on Location

1.Bruce Lee-  Enter The Dragon

2. Brandon Lee-   The Crow

3. Twilight Zone The Movie-  Vic Morrow and child actors Mica Dinh Le and Renee Shin-Ye Chen

4. Harry L. O'Connor-  XXX

5. Roy Kinnear- The Return of The Muketeers

6. George Camilleri-  Troy

7. Art Scholl-  Top Gun

8. The Flight of the Phoenix-  Paul Mantz

9. Roland Schotzhauer-  The Final Season

10. David Ritchie-  Jumper

10 Of The Most Obnoxious Television Show Characters Of All Time

1. The Cosby Show- Olivia  (Raven Symone)

2. Welcome Back Cotter- Horshack  (Ron Palillo)

3. Saved By the Bell- Screech  (Dustin Diamond)

4. The Nanny- Fran  (Fran Drescher)

5. Family Matters- Steve Urkel  (Jaleel White)

6. Full House- Kimmy Gibbler  (Andrea Barber)

7. Step by Step- Cody  (Sasha Mitchell)

8. Small Wonder- Harriet  (Emily Schulman)

9. Home Improvement- Mark Taylor  (Taran Noah Smith)

10. Who's the Boss?- Jonathan   (Daniel Pintuaro)

Star Wars Not Star Trek

1. Han Solo is much cooler than Jean-Luc Picard.

2. Chewbacca is a better co pilot than Spock.

3. Star Wars has the ultimate villain in Darth Vader.

4. The Force is more powerful than Spock's death grip.

5. Lightsabers

6. Star Wars has better music.

7. Yoda

8. Star Wars has more realistic robots.

9. Ted Kaczynsci was a Star Trek fan.

10. Star Wars led us to Spaceballs

10 Things To Do On A Rainy Day

1. Sleep

2. Read a book

3. Catch up on your favorite television series

4. Build a fort in your living room.

5. Finish your autobiography.

6. Write a song.

7. Take on a baking challenge.

8. Dance Party!

9. Drink resbonsibly

10. Call a family member and talk about the recent rainfall in your area.

Certain Things Should Be Clarified Before Trying To Teach Children The Constitution

1. "Okay class. What is the Constitution?"   "Is that when you can't go poop?"

2. "Anyone else? Yes."   "It's not about boo boo. It's about 9/11."

3. "Can someone give me an example of Justice?"    "Is it like your rights."   "Yes. Anyone else?"      "Your Lefts?"

4.  "What is Tranquility?"   "It's like when you want an animal to go to sleep, you shoot it with a Tranquility gun."

5. "Can anyone tell me what promotion means?"    "To get a better job?"    "So what does it mean to promote freedom?"    "To change the channel?"

6. "I thought posterity was the way you stand. Sometimes my mom says to have good posterity."    "No. That's posture."

7. "Isn't it supposed to be We are the people?"  

8. "We honor our country by being a good patriot."    "Did you see the Patriots whoop up on the Dolphins last night?"

9. "Dude you just let the flag touch the ground. Now they're gonna burn you."

10. "Salute from your temple? I thought this was a school."

10 Good Television Show Theme Songs

1. The A-Team

2. Cheers

3. Facts of Life

4. Diff'rent Strokes

5. Golden Girls

6. MASH

7. The Jeffersons

8. Fresh Prince

9. Hawaii Five-O

10. Sanford and Son

10 "Crosses"

1. Cross Country

2. Crossbow

3. Cross Colors

4. David Cross

5. Double Cross

6. Triple Cross

7. Crossword Puzzle

8. Cross Fit

9. Cross Cut

10. Cross Your Heart

Friday Night Recap

1. I got out danced by a white boy.

2. I had Hemingway creep up on me.

3. I concocted a robot in my living room.

4. I deconstructed some potato fries.

5. I kept reliving the pivotal move that cost me the dance competition.

6. I called Craig O'neill to explain my evening festivities. He was unimpressed.

7. I hung out with my brother, which is rare these days.

8. I was involved in a freestyle dance party with some of the best dancers in Little Rock.

9. My wife once again proved that her dancing skills are far superior to mine.

10. I fell asleep at 9:30 p.m.

10 Things My Father Taught Me

1. Willie Nelson is a great guitar player.

2. Chickens attract rats.

3. Scrambled egg and mustard sandwiches are delicious.

4. You can make a cake on a barbeque grill.

5. Running a trout line is not real fishing, but it's fun.

6. The Dallas Cowboys are supposed to win the Super Bowl every year.

7. Be a good listener so that you can insert puns when necessary.

8. How to tell a joke... slowly.

9. The locations of all the best breakfast dives in North Texas.

10. How to be a great father.

10 Things That No One Likes

1. Tattle Tells

2. Traffic

3. Rejection

4. The DMV

5. Debt

6. Ridicule

7. 114* Weather

8. In Service

9. A Know It All

10. Rats

10 "Flashes"

1. Flash Gordon

2. Flash Photography

3. Lightning Flash

4. Flash Light

5. Flasher

6. Flash Mob

7. Flash Dance

8. News Flash

9. Flash Back

10. Grandmaster Flash

10 Pieces of Gold From Bill Margrave

1. "I was watching that million dollar Price is Right last night, and this girl won a jeep and a escalade."

2. "I know my Jesus!"

3. "How bout them Cowboys."

4. Luke: "Hey Bill. Thanks for coming to the show."    Bill : "I wish Josh was playing tonight."

5. "It looks like Murdoch went walking through a ranch minefield."

6. "No where else but Little Rock."

7. "Murdoch made Bella cry? He made me cry the first time we met too."

8. "It's funny how they grow when you feed them."

9. "You're the only one I didn't think was guilty, but the only one who could've done it." This is what Bill said to me after I told him that I was the one who opened his chips, ate one, and then put the bag back as if nothing happened.

10. "Woo pig!"

If You Agree With This Post Please Rethink Your Parental Priorities (or don't have children)

1. It is okay to leave your children sleeping in the car, if it is your birthday, and you want to stop by the bar to celebrate with a quick drink. Make sure you lock the doors.

2. If you have just laid your newborn down for a nap, feel free to run over to Walgreens and grab a six or twelve pack of beer. Depending on the length of the nap, you may need more beer.

3. Make sure to roll the windows down if you smoke in the car. You don't want your children to suffer.

4. If you are having trouble getting your child to go to sleep, read a book on how to get your child to sleep. If that doesn't work, just hit your child over the head with the book. That will put him right to sleep.

5. Another remedy for a sleepless child is Benadryl.

6. If you have a baby that won't stop crying, just put a shot of vodka in their bottle and they'll cheer right up.

7. Television is the ultimate babysitter.

8. If you have a defiant toddler, just make him watch Saw IV. Then the next time he starts to act up, tell him, "The scary man from the movie is going to come get you if you don't start acting right."

9. If they tell you, "You're not my daddy!", tell them, "Yes I am. If I had my choice, I would not have picked you."

10. If you really can't handle the responsibility of being a parent, just sell your child on Ebaby.

10 Reasons I Wish I Was Celebrating With Henry Murphy

1. His Laugh

2. His Witty Banter

3. That guy knows how to party.

4. He has duffel bags full of books. Don't you dare try to take his Shakespeare.

5. He has an incredible knowledge of hip-hop.

6. He certainly knows how to mix a drink.

7. He talks shit in a most intelligent manner.

8. His stories get better as he gets intoxicated.

9. I like his style.

10. He is 100% genuine. Happy Birthday Henry.

My 10 Favorite Lottery Numbers

1. 34

2. 33

3. 04

4. 10

5. 44

6. 15

7. 27

8. 21

9. 41

10. 7

10 Celebrity Crushes

1. Claire Danes

2. Scarlett Johansson

3. Drew Barrymore

4. Halle Berry

5. Ko Shibasaki

7. Zihi Zhang

8. Sofia Vergara

9. Aishwarya Rai

10. Audrey Tatou