10 Ways to Get Canned

1. No call. No show.

2. Always get sick on Monday

3. Complain about your job on Facebook

4. Get drunk on your lunch break

5. Sleep on the clock

6. Take an extra long lunch everyday

7. Every time your boss asks you to do something say, "That's not part of my job description."

8. Borrow stuff from your co workers, and sell it on Ebay.

9. Post inappropriate photos of yourself online.

10. Drunk dial your boss. 

10 Fads of the Last Decade

1. Texting

2. Flash Mobs

3. Sudoku

4. Social Networks

5. Bluetooth

6. Crocs

7. Uggs

8. Texas Hold'em Poker

9. Emo

10. DVR/Tivo

10 Butlers/Housekeepers

1. Mr. Belvedere

2. Waylon Smithers (The Simpsons)

3. Geoffrey Butler (Fresh Prince)

4. Florence (The Jeffersons)

5. Benson Dubois (Benson)

6. Tony Micelli (Who's the Boss)

7. Nell Harper (Gimme a Break)

8. Alice (The Brady Bunch)

9. Rosy (The Jetsons)

10. Mrs. Garrett (Diff'rent Strokes)

10 Most Recognizable Programs in College Football

1. Texas Longhorns

2. Ohio State Buckeyes

3. Florida Gators

4. Georgia Bulldogs

5. Alabama Crimson Tide

6. LSU Tigers

7. Penn State Nittany Lions

8. Michigan Wolverines

9. Notre Dame Fighting Irish

10. USC/Oklahoma

Notice Kansas State is not on the list. I guess they are not the most recognizable team behind Notre Dame.

10 Quotes from Lizard Lick Towing

1. "You have to love him because it's illegal to kill him."

2. "Do I look as good as my word now?"

3. "We just kicked a real fresh turd on a real hot day."

4. "I was more happy to see her than a blind dog in a meat house."

5. "You'd rather get in a knife fight in a phone booth with Freddy Kruger than tangle with me."

6. "The last thing I need is to mess with some backwoods hillbilly who's gonna hand me my tailbone and tell me how to cook it."

7. "She's madder than a wet hen at an omelet scramble."

8. "I know you're all roostered up, but I ain't feeling your cock-a-doodle-do."

9. "A lot of times I been fishin' bo, but I ain't never felt like the bait."

10. "He had more rolls than a New York bakery."

10 Streets South of Markham in Order from East to West without Looking

1. Johnson

2. Rosetta

3. Brown

4. Martin

5. Valmar

6. Valentine

7. Maple

8. Oak

9. Pine

10. Cedar

10 Topics to Avoid at the Dinner Table

1. Religion

2. Politics

3. Sex

4. Finances

5. Medical Conditions

6. Abortion

7. Bowel Movements

8. Work

9.  The Duggers

10. Genocide