1. A truck pulled out of the Crestwood Manor Apartments on to North Lookout, where runners had come by moments earlier. A race traffic controller waved at the truck to stop. As he approached the vehicle, the driver took off barreling past the checkpoint. "Did anyone get his license plate? I clearly was yelling at him to stop. Then he locked his doors, and took off."
2. A soldier decked out in full army gear came walking by. I said, "It must be hard to run in all that heavy gear." Slaughter's response, "These colors don't run."
3. My wife said, "It's more than a t-shirt, you get a medal too."
4. There has been a new born at the marathon party every year. Kelley brought her sweet baby Gus, allowing us to once again say, "Babies first marathon!"
5. Bella made a sign that read, "You can do it. Run, Run, Run, or Walk."
6. At least one person said, "I'm running it next year."
7. Kevin's neighbor came by and said, I'm surprised you're not running Kevin."
"I don't run for competition. I'm just running to stay alive long enough to see my grandkids."
8. Tracy Dean learned how to play Uno Moo.
9. I tried the corn dip. I still hate the vegetable, and the band.
10. There were no references to Terry Fox this year, and there were more kids than adults at the party.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
10 Little Secrets
1. John Schafer adores Enya.
2. If you are a single 20 something male, my wife thinks you're gay.
3. I've watched someone get botox at the Cafe.
4. Slaughter likes Brooks and Dunn.
5. Henry Murphy loves The Dixie Chicks.
6. I was baptized at camp, and I peed in the water.
7. Abby does not like Tom Petty, but she has been to a Dave Matthews concert.
8. I hate the word nylon.
9. The lady at Sims Barbeque knows John McAteer by name.
10. John Kushmaul is the coolest mofo in this town.
2. If you are a single 20 something male, my wife thinks you're gay.
3. I've watched someone get botox at the Cafe.
4. Slaughter likes Brooks and Dunn.
5. Henry Murphy loves The Dixie Chicks.
6. I was baptized at camp, and I peed in the water.
7. Abby does not like Tom Petty, but she has been to a Dave Matthews concert.
8. I hate the word nylon.
9. The lady at Sims Barbeque knows John McAteer by name.
10. John Kushmaul is the coolest mofo in this town.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
10 Things to Know Before You Work with Children
1. No matter how cool you are, they'll never think you're cool.
2. Do not expect them to act like anything but what they are.
3. If you constantly repeat yourself, you are not crazy. Well you may be crazy, but this is not the reason for your insanity.
4. Never say what you are truly thinking. Instead, say something like, "Remember to use your problem solving skills."
5. Do not call your mom to tell her about an incident you had with a child being disrespectful. After you tell her the entire story, she'll say something like, "Hahaha. Sounds like someone else I know. Now you know what you put all those teachers through."
6. Cafeteria food still sucks, but kids still love it. Except for the Macho Nachos. I love the brown cheese sauce.
7. Make sure you listen to what each child has to say. You are never to old to learn.
8. Never tell a parent, "I have 23 other children. I don't have time to stop every time your child doesn't understand something." I assure you, that parent doesn't care about those other 23 children.
9. Do not name call. Ex: "You are acting like a Hooligan." They don't need to hear that shit. Only use positive encouragement please.
10. All the jokes that you made up as a kid were around long before you. Sorry.
2. Do not expect them to act like anything but what they are.
3. If you constantly repeat yourself, you are not crazy. Well you may be crazy, but this is not the reason for your insanity.
4. Never say what you are truly thinking. Instead, say something like, "Remember to use your problem solving skills."
5. Do not call your mom to tell her about an incident you had with a child being disrespectful. After you tell her the entire story, she'll say something like, "Hahaha. Sounds like someone else I know. Now you know what you put all those teachers through."
6. Cafeteria food still sucks, but kids still love it. Except for the Macho Nachos. I love the brown cheese sauce.
7. Make sure you listen to what each child has to say. You are never to old to learn.
8. Never tell a parent, "I have 23 other children. I don't have time to stop every time your child doesn't understand something." I assure you, that parent doesn't care about those other 23 children.
9. Do not name call. Ex: "You are acting like a Hooligan." They don't need to hear that shit. Only use positive encouragement please.
10. All the jokes that you made up as a kid were around long before you. Sorry.
Friday, March 4, 2011
10 Things That Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time
1. Midtown
2. Jagerbombs
3. Taco Bell
4. Egg Sandwich
5. Night Sledding
6. Drunk Dialing
7. The Pass Out Game
8. Attempting a backflip by running up a wall at Ford Middle School.
9. Jumping off the train bridge into Lake Lavon. Man made lakes have trees.
10. Going to a rodeo and heckling the riders.
2. Jagerbombs
3. Taco Bell
4. Egg Sandwich
5. Night Sledding
6. Drunk Dialing
7. The Pass Out Game
8. Attempting a backflip by running up a wall at Ford Middle School.
9. Jumping off the train bridge into Lake Lavon. Man made lakes have trees.
10. Going to a rodeo and heckling the riders.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
10 Holiday Traditions
1. We always throw carrots on the roof for the Reindeer.
2. The first kid to wake up, usually Kevin, would bang a metal pot with a wooden spoon, and wake up the rest of the family. Then we open presents.
3. You must go to the mailbox, wearing only the clothes you received as gifts.
4. If you say, "Christmas Eve's Gift," to another family member first, they must give you a gift to open on Christmas Eve night.
5. We take turns opening presents. Each person must hold up what they got, and have their picture taken with the giver of the gift.
6. Everyone must be in the room until all presents have been opened.
7. A pickle ornament is hidden on the tree. The first adult to find the ornament receives $20.
8. On Christmas Eve, my sister gives us each a gift to hold while she reads a story. Every time she says, "the" or "and," you must past the gift to your left. At the end of the story you open your gift.
9. No playing with any gifts, until all gifts have been opened.
10. Here is a new tradition to be voted upon. I say we go through all of dad's DVD's, and find the one's that are still in the shrink wrap. I'm sure we gave him most of these movies over the years. Then let's divide them up, wrap them, and give them to him for Christmas this year. Repeat as necessary.
2. The first kid to wake up, usually Kevin, would bang a metal pot with a wooden spoon, and wake up the rest of the family. Then we open presents.
3. You must go to the mailbox, wearing only the clothes you received as gifts.
4. If you say, "Christmas Eve's Gift," to another family member first, they must give you a gift to open on Christmas Eve night.
5. We take turns opening presents. Each person must hold up what they got, and have their picture taken with the giver of the gift.
6. Everyone must be in the room until all presents have been opened.
7. A pickle ornament is hidden on the tree. The first adult to find the ornament receives $20.
8. On Christmas Eve, my sister gives us each a gift to hold while she reads a story. Every time she says, "the" or "and," you must past the gift to your left. At the end of the story you open your gift.
9. No playing with any gifts, until all gifts have been opened.
10. Here is a new tradition to be voted upon. I say we go through all of dad's DVD's, and find the one's that are still in the shrink wrap. I'm sure we gave him most of these movies over the years. Then let's divide them up, wrap them, and give them to him for Christmas this year. Repeat as necessary.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
10 Lame Compliments I've Used to get My Wife in the Mood
1. "You are an excellent organizer."
2. "You have great spacial awareness."
3. "You are so amazing. I'd like you even if we weren't married."
4. "Why don't you put it on the weather channel and hit the mute button. You are good at changing channels in the dark."
5. "We both like a lot of different things, but there's one thing I like, and that's you. Now can we do the one thing we both like?"
6. "I got a bottle of Vodka, and a massage just for you. This place looks spectacular. Good job."
7. "I noticed you got the high score on Wii fit Penguin Slide. How about you and I slide under these covers, so I can score."
8. "I got a cheese tray."
9. "You could totally be in a rap video."
10. "You have beautiful lips. Oh, and I like your style."
2. "You have great spacial awareness."
3. "You are so amazing. I'd like you even if we weren't married."
4. "Why don't you put it on the weather channel and hit the mute button. You are good at changing channels in the dark."
5. "We both like a lot of different things, but there's one thing I like, and that's you. Now can we do the one thing we both like?"
6. "I got a bottle of Vodka, and a massage just for you. This place looks spectacular. Good job."
7. "I noticed you got the high score on Wii fit Penguin Slide. How about you and I slide under these covers, so I can score."
8. "I got a cheese tray."
9. "You could totally be in a rap video."
10. "You have beautiful lips. Oh, and I like your style."
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
10 Marathon Porch Party Quotes from Past Atendees
1. "Let's get this done today ladies!"
2. "You can walk the marathon? What time did you have to start? Let's here it for walkers!"
3. "Almost to the downhill!"
4. "Silver fox!"
5. "Run like you stole something!"
6. "Hell I could go 26.2 miles in a wheelchair. Your legs wouldn't get tired. Shit would be easy. He's kind of a cheater."
7. "Pick up the pace. Does that say Relay or Relax?!
8. "Babies first marathon!"
9. "Little Terry Foxx, walking in his socks."
10. "I could totally do this. I'm running it next year."
2. "You can walk the marathon? What time did you have to start? Let's here it for walkers!"
3. "Almost to the downhill!"
4. "Silver fox!"
5. "Run like you stole something!"
6. "Hell I could go 26.2 miles in a wheelchair. Your legs wouldn't get tired. Shit would be easy. He's kind of a cheater."
7. "Pick up the pace. Does that say Relay or Relax?!
8. "Babies first marathon!"
9. "Little Terry Foxx, walking in his socks."
10. "I could totally do this. I'm running it next year."
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