Friday, July 29, 2011

I'm Still Going To Tip, But Please Don't Do That

1. Don't sit down at the table to take my order. I don't know you.

2. Don't make jokes about what type man you think I am. You don't know me.

3. Do not say, "Wow! You must have been hungry. You wanna lick the plate?" I've been eating fast my entire life. The people I'm dining with know that.

4. Do not neglect my water.

5. Do not baby talk my child.

6. Do not sweep under my table while I'm sitting there.

7. Don't keep asking, "Can I get you anything else?" Just bring me the check and I'll leave.

8. Do not stand over my shoulder, and stare at me while I'm eating.

9. Please do not refer to my wife as, "Momma. What can I get for you? Here's your margarita. I bet Momma's happy now."

10. Do not take the credit card receipt out of my hands before I'm done signing.

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