10 "D" Movies That Kept Me Awake Last Night

1. Dazed and Confused

2. Donnie Darko

3. Dante's Peak

4. Die Hard

5. Days of Thunder

6. Desperado

7. Don't Be a Menace

8. Dead Presidents

9. Deer Hunter

10. Dirty Dancing

10 "Keepers"

1. Trapper Keepers

2. Jeepers Keepers

3. Finders Keepers

4. Promise Keepers

5. Bar Keepers

6. Goalkeepers

7. Brothers' Keepers

8. Gate Keepers

9. Zoo Keepers

10. Peace Keepers

10 Weekend Discoveries

1. Spam, all be it disgusting, is delicious in home made sushi.

2. Certain small children should be equipped with their own translator.

3. Sober fun is not always fun.

4. When I meet someone smart, I prefer them to say something intelligent.

5. Instruments are meant to be played, not displayed.

6. I love Ray Liotta.

7. Coconut M&M's are outstanding.

8. It may be harder to pretend to be dorky, than to pretend to be cool.

9. It's hard being a single dad.

10. My children are obsessed with crane machines.

10 Places To Visit If You're Stuck In North Texas

1. Chisolm Trail

2. Serenity Springs Pig Sanctuary

3. Connamera

4. Eisenhower Birthplace and Farm home

5. Southfork

6. Audie Murphy American Cotton Museum

7. Heard Museum

8. Dealey Plaza

9. Dallas Aquarium

10. IKEA

10 Things That Are Impossible

1. Suicide Murder

2. Kissing your elbow

3. For a machine to determine whether  a person is lying

4. To square a circle

5. Biting your ear

6. Tickling yourself

7. No one can say mmmmmmmmmmm for 7 seconds while pinching their nose

8. Killing yourself by holding your breath

9. Eat 50 hard boiled eggs in one hour

10. Doubling a cube

10 Elementary School Memories Off The Top Of My Head Ya'll

1. Square dancing

2. Bus driver Johnny Brown listening to ZZ Top on the way home.

3. Doing back flips off of the swings before they were removed because they were to dangerous.

4. Being grabbed around the collarbone by Mrs. Helton because I was acting up in her class. "I didn't like Todd. I didn't like Randi. I didn't like Kevin. And I don't like you. You little s**t."

5. Mrs. K

6. The music teacher had a deep voice, and she reeked of cigarettes and cheap perfume.

7. Performing "Down By The Old Mill Stream," in a white t-shirt with a bow tie and suspenders which were designed by using puff paint.

8. Mr. Box  threw erasers.

9. The lunch room was sound proof.

10. The lost and found was huge. You could lift the door up and get inside. If your classmate asked to go look in the lost and found for a lost item, you could, if you were quick enough, ask the teacher for permission to go to the restroom. Then you could sprint past your classmate, in order to make it seem as though you had a bathroom emergency. Next you could climb inside and wait for someone to reach in. When they did you could grab there hand and listen to them squeal.

10 "Triples"

1. Triple sec

2. Triple A

3. Triple Bypass

4. Tripoli

5. Triple Crown

6. Triple Play

7. Triple Double

8. Triple Axel

9. Triple Shot

10. Triple Step

My 10 Apps If I Owned An iphone

1. The phone can turn into a taser for protection.

2. Fishing pole

3. Boomerang

4. Night Vision Goggles

5. Underwater Breathing Apparatus

6. Skill Saw

7. Throwing Star

8. Dart Gun

9. Lighter

10. Blow Torch

10 Things For You Dudes

1. Don't wear flip flops. I don't care how nice your feet look.

2. Don't say, "You know what I'm saying?" after every sentence.

3. Don't wear socks with sandals.

4. Don't wear skinny jeans and sag them below your a**.

5. Just because you're working out doesn't mean you have the right to wear inappropriate workout attire.

6. Never wear entirely white tennis shoes, unless you have the gout or your slinging school lunches.

7. No tie dye you hippie.

8. Don't wear jeans with bedazzled jewels on the pockets.

9. Find a woman who can dance you under the table. Trust me it's totally worth it.

10. Don't buy faded jeans. Let them wear out naturally.

10 House Rules Composed By Bella

1. No Screaming

2. No Hitting

3. Do Not Bother Dad

4. No Jumping On The Bed

5. No Calling Names

6. No Yelling

7. No Being Mean

8. Don't Go Into The Bathroom If The Door Is Closed

9. No Peeing In The Bathtub

10. No Running

10 Things That Shocked Me Last Night

1. Someone said, "Twat blocker."

2. A forty-three dollar tab at the WWT. I wasn't even drunk. I love you guys, but you hurt my feelings.

3. Gun shots

4. WM3

5. Nancy has over 130 birds, and Debbie has over 150 rabbits.

6. The clerk at Walgreens acted like he was going to refuse me service as part of his witty banter. "Will you please service me?"   "Oh. I would love to."

7. "Daddy. How many ding dings do boys have?"   Uh-oh

8. There was a tent in my living room.

9. Either a rat or a squirrel ran across my yard, and jumped into the creek.

10. Bella has homework on the weekend.

10 Terribly Overrated Films

1. Titanic

2. Avatar

3. The English Patient

4. The Matrix

5. Braveheart

6. Social Network

7. Shakespeare in Love

8. Solaris

9. Passion Of The Christ

10. Dirty Dancing

10 Things I Heard At William Cobb's Future School

1. "Now class, who can tell me what this is."   "A metallophone?"     "Dude said a Metallica phone."

2. "Yeeees. My dad is Bruce Banner, and you don't want to see him mad."

3. "I hate chicken spaghetti."    "My mom used to make it all the time."    "Why Mr. Kerby? She doesn't love you?"

4. "Ouch! I just slipped and fell in the bathroom."      "My bad. I was daydreaming when I was peeing."  

5. "No. Mace Windu does have a purple light saber. Shh. Here comes Mr. Kerby. He doesn't believe in the Clone Wars."

6. " If you tease me again I'll tell Santa."

7. "If I were a musician I think I would play Smooth Jazz or Metal."

8. "I like your orange back pack. Were you like, 'Give me the brightest back pack you have.'"

9. A child spilled milk at lunch and needed to change his clothes. All I could find was some red shorts and a green shirt. "Great now I look like christmas. I feel good though. And I know I look good."

10. "I'm glad humans don't eat there young like sharks do when they have new born babies. I used to be a new born."

Happy Birthday Jack Lloyd

1. Jack o Lantern

2. Jack of all Trades

3. Jack the Ripper

4. Jack and Coke

5. Union Jack

6. Jack Russell

7. Apple Jack

8. High Jack

9. Jackpot

10. Leather Jack

10 Clues That School Is Back In Session

1. I woke up before 6 am.

2. My wife woke up before 6 am.

3. I packed my lunch today.

4. I drank an entire pot of coffee before 7 am.

5. My car wouldn't start because someone left my lights on for three days.

6. My socks match.

7. Every child I saw had on a brand new pair of shoes. I mean every child.

8. Multiple jobs were delegated to yours truly.

9. I put away about fifty different boxes of Kleenex.

10. There were 8 different varieties of dip in the teachers lounge. Most of them were empty by the time I remembered that I had forgotten to take a lunch break.

Damn Bonefish I Thought I Was In Texas

1. The seating hostess put my name on a waiting list and handed me a pager.

2. I swear I saw a glow stick in a man's martini.

3. Free bread!

4. Bedazzled dress shirts

5. Woo hoo! Bachelorette Party.

6. The two drinks before the meal cost almost as much as the entire dinner.

7. It was like a reality television show on the inside.

8. No matter how far west the location, it's still a strip mall.

9. I was sitting so close to the table next to me, I feel like I know more about them than I do about some of my own kin.

10. Thanks for the gift card, but damn Craig, I'm going to the Olive Garden next time. Do you have a gift card for that?

10 Things You Little Rockers Should Know About Josh And Kevin Kerby

1. Our combined height is 11'5".

2. It takes him ten days to have a fully grown beard. It takes me about twelve.

3. If one of us decides we don't like someone, then we both hate you.

4. Separately we are not very tough, but collectively you better run, and pray that I don't have the energy to chase you.

5. He has short legs and a long torso. I have long legs and a short torso. Put us together and you have a perfect man.

6. We both get mad when someone says, "Are you grouchy?"

7. We are surprisingly crafty.

8. We both married fantastic ladies.

9. We both drive as if we were at the go cart track.

10. We both abuse fireworks.    

10 Things With "Cost"

1. Costume

2. Costco

3. Lacoste

4. Bob Costas

5. Cost of Living

6. Cost Effective

7. Accost

8. Hidden Costs

9. Cost Analysis

10. Closing Cost

10 Sayings I've Recently Heard, And They Will Be Worked Into My Daily Banter

1. "We Gucci." Translation: We're all good

2. "I feel like you're trying to feed me a s**t sandwich."

3. "Put your fist in the sky short i."

4. "Everything we say stays within this circle. This circle gets no bigger than right here, but it can get smaller."

5. "Are you a child of God or not? Then hand me my iced tea."

6. "You are to quietly."

7. "There's strawberries in the computer."

8. "I like to eat, I like to shop and I love that Paper."

9. "Take a break. We ain't government workers."

10. "You like one of them motorless fans. All soft walking and s**t. You scared me."

10 Buttery Things To Eat, Drink, Pick, Catch, or Wear

1. Buttered Pecans

2. Butter Milk

3. Peanut Butter

4. Buttery Nipple

5. Nutter Butters

6. Body Butter

7. Almond Butter

8. Butterfly

9. Butter Cup

10. Cocoa Butter

10 Thoughts That Crossed My Mind While Attending A Workshop Today

1. "Man we need some rain."

2. "I wish I was watching shark week."

3. "Damn. I forgot, shark week is over."

4. "I wonder if I can get to subway and back in 45 minutes."

5. "Am I slouching?"

6. "Now that I'm sitting up straight, I wonder if the people behind me can see."

7. "I wish they had donuts. Who are you kidding? You wouldn't eat them anyway."

8. "That sounds like a sugar coated satan sandwich."

9. "I wonder if I could kill a mountain lion with my bare hands?"

10. "I could totally kill a mountain lion with my bare hands."

10 "Hours"

1. Hour glass

2. Miles Per Hour

3. Final Hour

4. Rush Hour

5. 48 Hours

6. 5 Hour Energy

7. Happy Hour

8. Chris Isaak Hour

9. After Hours

10. Social Hour

I Really Wish I Were Native American

1. I've become deadly accurate with my daughter's toy bow and arrow set.

2. While riding my bike I often pretend like I'm riding a wild horse.

3. I once threw a screwdriver and it stuck in a wooden fence.

4. I prefer to be shirtless.

5. My house shoes are moccasins.

6. My children now refer to me as "Hawk Feather".

7. I'm a great catcher of crawdads.

8. I'm good at avoiding white men that I know, at the grocery store.

9. I just watched Disney's Squanto, and I loved it.

10. This may be a sweeping generalization, but I hate white people.

10 "Hoods"

1. Boyz n the Hood

2. Robin Hood

3. Car Hood

4. Neighborhood

5. Hoodie

6. Tales From the Hood

7. Fort Hood

8. Hood Canal

9. Little Red Riding Hood

10. Hoodlum

Don't Get Your Hopes Up. I Still Don't Know How To Fix/Build Stuff

1. I miraculously fixed my air conditioner, saving my wife and I an expensive after hours service call.

2. I built a chicken coop with my brother. 1 month later it is still standing.

3. I built my daughters a lemonade stand. They were very successful on their first day of business.

4. The flowers I planted three months ago are thriving in this heat.

5. I fixed the side door of my house. It now swings all the way open.

6. I patched holes in my back fence.

7. I patched one of my bike tires.

8. I tightened the belt on our treadmill.

9. I tightened a loose rung on the slide at the playground.

10. I replaced an underground sprinkler head at my parents house.

10 Things My Wife Said In Less Than 5 Minutes

1. "I'm allergic to men lying down."

2. "The T.V. is not a baby sitter."

3. "Is it going to be another pajama day?"

4. "Get up you baby p***y."

5. "You better go take your medicine."

6. "Don't let your daddy sleep past nine o'clock girls."

7. "I made coffee if you wanna get up."

8. "Help me get this dress off. It's to sticky for me to wear today."

9. "What did you say Amelia? You found a potty cookie?"

10. "You know what's sexy about you? When you're working."

Meaningless Knowledge

1. Saved By The Bell-    Mr. Belding's middle name is Homer.

2. Chickens-  Chickens can lay eggs without a rooster.

3. Automotive-   If you are having trouble trying to figure out what's wrong with your car, it's probably the motor mount.

4. Kids- If you find yourself saying, "Why are you doing that?" They do that because they are kids.

5. Lizards- An Iguana can regrow its tail.

6. Science- You can make a home made rocket using Mentos and a bottle of Diet Coke

7. Culinary- Snow peas and eggs are bad when combined into an omelet.

8. Nascar- Watching cars race in a circle is actually quite entertaining, in person, for the first 20 laps.

9. Spelling- i before e except after c.

10. Aviation- Clouds and smoke from a volcano can cause a helicopter to shut down.

It's "Tropical" July 31, 2011

1. Tropical Island

2. Tropical Smoothie

3. Tropical Punch

4. Tropical Storm

5. Tropical Rainforest

6. Tropical Fish

7. Tropical Plant

8. Tropical Adventure

9. Tropical Helicopter Tour

10. Tropical Trail Mix

Scharzenegger (x10) July 30, 2011

1. Terminator

2. Total Recall

3. Predator

4. True Lies

5. Conan

6. Kindergarten Cop

7. Twins

8. Collateral Damage

9. Last Action Hero

10. End Of Days