1. One summer day, my friend, Jim, and I drove around small towns all day looking for a place that would sell beer, without asking for an I.D. We were 17 or 18. He had a pretty substantial beard by that point of the summer, so we agreed that he would be the buyer. After a couple hours of shameful denial, we arrived in Melissa, Texas. We pulled up to a gas station, and Jim went inside. He returned to the car with an 18 pack of Natural Light. We drove straight to my house, and put our newly acquired treasure in a refrigerator in the back of the Hanger. We were going to wait until the beer was nice and cold, and drink it that night. It was a fool proof plan. When we returned, around eight, my dad and my uncle were standing with the fridge door open, and gazing inside with confused faces. As soon as they saw the two of us, my dad said, "Who's beer is this." I panicked. I had to think fast. So i made up the first name that came to my head. "That's Steve's." As they opened the first two beers, my dad looked at Jim and I, and said, "Tell Steve me and Tom said, Thanks."
2. On another occasion, Kevin and I were sitting around during a hot day, bored out of our minds, and wishing we had MTV. We decided to go outside to see what kind trouble we could get into. One thing led to another, and he ended up chasing me around the yard, hitting the ground behind my heels with a baseball bat. My aunt, who stayed across the road at the time, started screaming for Kevin to stop swinging the baseball bat in my general direction. We both stopped, turned, and shot a total of four middle fingers in her direction. We then got back to our bat wielding game. Sorry you had to find out this way, mom.
3. I actually had a pony named Sugar growing up. One day Sugar got out of her pen, and drank some rain water that contained pesticides. The poison killed her. As they were coming to haul her lifeless body away I said, "She's just sleeping. She'll wake up."
4. When I was four, all I asked for at Christmas was a Hungry Hungry Hippo game. As the presents got thinner and thinner, I got more and more excited. After all the presents were opened, I looked around the entire living room. No luck. I did not get my Hungry Hungry Hippo, that I so greatly desired. I was heart broken. I began to cry. Suddenly, my wish appeared under the tree. It was my Hungry Hungry Hippo game. Turns out, my parents had forgotten to put the game under the tree, until they noticed my epic meltdown.
5. Our across the street neighbor, Mr. Watkins, had a dog named Wednesday. Every time a car would pass, Wednesday would do backflips. Problem was there was not a lot of traffic at that time, so sometimes we would watch that dog all day, just see her do about 5 or 6 backflips.
6. We had an old Harley Davidson golf cart. We would take off through the field weaving in and out of cattle, trying not to piss off the Bull to much. Actually, really trying to piss off that Bull.
7. Before I was born my brothers were really into Superman. My oldest brother, Todd, asked my other brother, Kevin, if he wanted to fly like Superman. Of course he wanted to fly. So, Todd threw him off the top of the Butane tank, causing Kevin to land on his arm. "Your supposed to land on your feet dummy." My dad told Kevin, "Stop acting like such a baby." After Kevin cried all night long, my parents took him to the ER. X-rays showed it was a broken arm. My father still feels bad about this one.
8. A Tornado Warning was in effect for the Northern part of Fairview. I was terrified. However, my sister and my brother were not worried a bit. "They just issued a Tornado Warning for our town!"
My sister's response, "Yeah, but that's the Northern part of Fairview." Fairview is located on a stretch of country road, that is all of about three or four miles long. I was scared Y'all.
9. When I was 7, Kevin and I got a slot car racing set. It was really cool. It had a loop to loop, and it would go up and down the wall. I believe it was called The Cliffhanger. One evening we were playing with our new favorite waste of time, and my mom called us for dinner. Kevin said, "I'm going to the kitchen, will you unplug The Cliffhanger." It was plugged into an orange extension cord which was plugged into the wall. Being a stupid kid, I tried to unplug the extension cord, not knowing that I could just unplug the other cord from the wall. Well, I wasn't strong enough to pull the chord out of the extension chord, so I put the extension cord in my teeth, and attempted to pull the other end out. Boy was I shocked. Literally. I was in the process of being electrocuted. I remember thinking about the faces of my family. I did not want to die. I pulled and pulled, and finally the
cord fell out of my mouth. For about 10 or 15 seconds I could not feel a thing. My mom set me in a chair in the kitchen to look at the newly charred hole in my mouth. I looked at Kevin. He was ghost white. Seeing his face sent me into a frenzy. "I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die!
10. I use to love building forts out of hay bails, and roller skating in our Airplane Hanger, all the while listening to Huey Lewis and the News. This one's for Jack Lloyd.
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